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Posts Tagged ‘boifriend

in my own voice

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L.’s funeral is tomorrow. I’m trying to figure out how to look respectable. I don’t know who else from our school will be there, but I kind of feel like I’m going to the 10-year reunion with not a lot to show. All my classmates hold teaching positions.

I don’t want to teach anymore, in part because the early childhood field has a disproportionate amount of cis straight women speaking in their highest vocal registers, and—despite being a cis woman myself—I stick out like a sore thumb in that kind of environment. I spent the whole time that I was teaching growing out my hair, trying to present feminine, trying desperately to pass.

When I was laid off last spring, I went back to bike taxi. I regained my favorite hairstyle (mohawk!) and my facial piercings. I was doing work I loved, I looked exactly how I wanted to look, and it felt great. Unfortunately it isn’t very profitable in the winter.

So I’m looking for a winter job, any winter job, and I’ll get a haircut & take out the jewelry, but I won’t speak in a falsetto.

I was telling J. on the phone a few days ago that I want to work at something where I don’t have to hide myself, that I want to be one person all day long. She pointed out that it’s one thing to be yourself and another to “fly your queer flag high every day”. And I get that. I don’t need to be completely out at work to be happy, but I can’t handle being completely closeted, either. I just want to be able to speak in my own voice.

Written by ponyboi

October 10, 2009 at 8:23 pm

chicago

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I’m back home. J. came to pick me up from the station, looking devastatingly handsome in a shirt & tie, and we curled up in her bed for days, emerging only to make coffee and pancakes.

I am exhausted. Content, but exhausted. Here is a camera-phone shot of some brownies I made at my sister’s apartment last week. They’re the blueberry brownies recipe from Veganomicon; I think it’s become my favorite brownie recipe. When I made them with Heinous a few weeks ago, J. ate one and then declared that she dislikes brownies with fruit. I’m going to make them with strawberries & strawberry jam next time…she won’t be able to resist.

Written by ponyboi

October 8, 2009 at 11:46 am

breakfast at gaia

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My friend came into town for a wedding so we went to local hippie vegetarian restaurant Gaia for breakfast. I remember them having scrambled tofu, but apparently they took it off the menu. So I got the tempeh Cuban whatnot. It was good, and the chocolate almond coffee was delicious, but it’s kind of weird that a vegetarian restaurant only has three vegan options–oatmeal, granola with fruit, and said tempeh thingie. I love the ambiance, though–it reminds me of Sweden, with these big benches and light green ceilings.

Said friend has a fancy schmancy phone that takes pictures, and he very kindly emailed me the picture of my breakfast, even though he thought it was pretty hilarious that I was photographing my food.


While I was out to breakfast J. texted me: good morning love…I dreamt that we were at some sort of air force camp or something. you weren’t wearing a shirt.

then: I saw yer tits hahaha

Written by ponyboi

October 3, 2009 at 4:04 pm

it was huge and pink

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I texted J.: I had a dream about a giant unicorn bike!

She texted back: 😀 about time!

It was a dream about a bike festival in Chicago. The giant unicorn bike was two stories tall and pink. Travis was there with his flip bike, there were a bunch of tall trikes,  and some folks on wheeled stilts.

Sounds awesome, right? Let’s make it happen.

Written by ponyboi

September 28, 2009 at 11:11 am

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